husband doesn’t understand my financial strain and stress help please!!!!?
My husband and I are under major financial stress right now. I just got a part-time job which was very difficult to come by these days. His mom has helped us by paying our bills. I need full time work but now near christmas is going to be near impossible to find anything.
(holiday help is already hired.)
He doesn’t work at all…due to some health/ legal things which I won’t get into.
Last night he woke up at 2am and says he can’t sleep….and accuses me of not really being stressed out from our situation becuase I can sleep. My mind goes crazy during the day and when I am at work learning a new job and going to the store and watching other famililes who seem to be able to have a non stressful life.
I tried to explain this to him and he says he doesn’t see that I am effected. Now I feel like I shouldn’t be able to sleep too…so I feel inadequate. I also think that depression can make people sleep more and anxiety can make you stress during your waking hours. I do handle stress very well…and I feel that in order to get through this nasty time in our lives….I have to deal with it in a healthy way for our kids sake and to be able to get up to work everyday.
Any comments from anyone? How can I be more empathetic towards my husband? I know he has stress from not working and stuff, but to make me try and feel like I dont’ show any kinds of stress…that’s just wrong. I want him to know that I am stressed and many times I HAVE told him just how stressed I am and he responds and says ” don’t worry everything will be fine” and ” don’t get all worked up right now.”
I am so confused….
Nobody has a non-stressful life. Please. There’s always stress. Your husband is a lucky man b/c you seem to have a good head on your shoulders. You feel guilty for not sleeping? Tell him one of you needs a clear head. It’s the truth. And your actions during the day more than prove that you do worry and try to stay afloat… lack of sleep is a maladaptive trait, not the contrary. Empathy is a tricky thing when there’s nothing else there to back it up. Try to think of his qualities, what a good husband/father he is and repeat those things in your head EVERY TIME you have a bad thought about him. Dialectic behavioral therapy can help – you change your thinking first, which changes your actions – to empathetic – in return.
OMG, my husband and I are going through the same thing. I am the one who’s stressed. He doesn’t show stress at all and yet I’m falling apart emtionally and physically.
I wish I had some words of wisdom for you. I think my marriage is falling apart too.
All you can do is the best you can do. Try not to listen to his harsh words and stay away from as much as you can (if you’re lucky he plays videos games all day and night like my husband). Focus on the children and getting a full-time job and finding your way out. Good luck.
I get that you don’t want to explain why he isn’t working, but that’s a big part of the problem here. When you get stressed, it’s easy for him to say everything will be fine when his mom is paying his way and you’re covering what she isn’t. And waking you up at 2 AM is selfish and immature. He can’t blame that on stress.
To be honest, I can’t think of any reason I’d put up with this, unless it’s a short term situation and he’s doing whatever he can to get it resolved.
Hand the bills over to him and tell him to figure out a way to pay them.